Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's rum buckets o'clock
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
