Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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