Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
