I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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