I want to walk on stilts...naked
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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