Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
