you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
