i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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