I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
