ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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