I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
