The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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