Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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