I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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