Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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