She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
