She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
