ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
