A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
