Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
NoShamevember. You game?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
