hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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