I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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