i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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