What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
