I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
