first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
