you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
