When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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