just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
