Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
