p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
