To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
