Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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