DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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