Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
