I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
