Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
