also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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