I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
