They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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