My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
