just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
