I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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