ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
