no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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