I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
