Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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