I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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