how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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