I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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