i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
