eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
