i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
