Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
