She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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