I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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