You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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