Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
