She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
