Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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