Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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