Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
