Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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