Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize