I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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