Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
