if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Randomize
