My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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